Forget roasting a turkey and dishing out various side dishes, you can now buy Thanksgiving flavored everything. Don’t believe me? Here are some of the offerings – I’ll leave it up to you as to heinous or hilarious:
- Caramelized Turkey and Cranberry Sauce Ice Cream. Made by Salt and Straw in Portland this features “roasted turkey bacon, brittle with thyme and freshly ground cubeb pepper and housemade cranberry sauce.” God forbid you should use canned cranberry sauce in your ice cream.
- Also from Salt & Straw (it’s part of their Friendsgiving collection) Parker House Rolls with Salted Buttercream. Rolls are smeared with buttercream and mushed into ice cream. This is their quote “As classic as it gets”. Yup.
- If you really need a DIY project, how about turning some innocent strawberries into turkeys? Someone with way too much time on their hands shows you how to add pretzel stick and mini marshmallows to strawberries and dip them in chocolate to make “turkeys’. Their quote? “Fine details are everything, and the white chocolate on these turkeys make them extra special.”
- Feeling like something is missing because you’re not cooking? Ace Hardware has you covered with their Thanksgrilling 5-Course Scented Candle. It features 5 layers representing smoked spatchcocked turkey, cranberry sauce, sweet potato casserole, sage & sausage stuffing, and pumpkin pie cheesecake. Just wondering, how different does a spatchcocked turkey smell from a whole turkey?
- Of course, you need to wash down all this with a refreshing beverage, so how about Jones Turkey and Gravy Soda? Supposedly the recipe was recently tweaked to make it not more drinkable, but to make it more authentic.
- Thanksgiving Stuffing Seasoned Potato Chips. They “offer all the herby aromatics and savory flavors of that favorite holiday side dish in a crispy, crunchy (and gluten free, we should add) potato chip!” TJ’s suggests to keep it in the holiday mood, you dip them in some cranberry sauce.
- Trader Joe’s also offers up Everything but the Leftovers seasoning blend. A riff on everything bagel spice, this is “specifically sorted selection of herbs and spices, including dehydrated onion, sea salt, black pepper, turmeric powder, dried celery seed, ground sage, rosemary powder, dried thyme, and dried parsley.” There are also 2 kinds of yeasts to add umami and because we’ve been wondering for years what to do with leftover yeast and turmeric after Thanksgiving dinner, right?
- Don’t forget to end with a cup of coffee. Among other flavors, you can brew up a pot of Cinnamon Sweet Potato Swirl Flavored Coffee. “Looking for a unique coffee flavor to serve your loved ones at Thanksgiving. Look no further than our Cinnamon Sweet Potato Swirl Flavored coffee. The flavor of tasty sweet potatoes mixed with brown sugar, creamy butter, and a dash of spicy cinnamon go perfectly with our pure arabica bean coffee. This Thanksgiving, include this coffee on your dessert table. Your guests will talk about this for weeks.” Yes, they will.